Random 2015 awards

I thought about my yearly rankings  and some past contests and decided that this time I want to come back to my old format (as presented HERE). As a teacher I know that everybody deserve some kind of a award (even if I have to try really hard to make them up).

I followed H!P this year without much enthusiasm for the music. There were a couple of nice surprises but overall nothing too spectacular. But I’ll try my best to show some appreciation.

The “I don’t hate it” Song Award goes to “Taiki Bansei” by ANGRYGERMS

 

Taiki Bansei has earned it’s award with a very catchy TAIKI BANSEI WOOO that Juice=Juice’s Senobi just couldn’t imitate. I think I didn’t hate it from the start. I might even say that I kinda liked it from time to time.

The “I’m not ashamed of your songs anymore” Song Award goes to “Tsugi No Kado Wo Magare” by Kyuuto

When was the last time that I could show a non-wota a C-ute song without any regrets?I tried with I Miss You because of the innovative nature of the MV but the song itself wasn’t so spectacular. With Tsugi no Kado C-ute went fierce and beautiful. You’ve earned the award.

The “Sounds the same *shrugs*” Song Award goes to the whole Morning Musume’15 discography

It’s a pity that H!P flag group didn’t provide much this year in terms of songs. When I think about the songs I see the white/pale blue background and hear the heavy EDM sounds. Mostly. And I don’t like it.

The “Nearly naked enough” MV award goes to “Tsudzuiteiku STORY” by JUSU IS JUSU

Fanservice galore. Do you hate it when H!P songs give you close ups and dance versions against a green screen? Why not have the same minus the dance shot but plus the nearly nakedness? Count me in.

The “Almost as pink as “Ookina Aide Motenashite” MV award goes to “Koi Doroubou” by Momoko Girls

I miss the cute level of “Ookina Aide Motenashite”. It’s the ultimate cuteness of the cutesy cuties. But Country Girls appeared with their retro cuteness and reclaimed colour pink. I love it!

There are still many more awards to give but let’s not be too lenient. Not everybody can get a trophy.

I might seem dissatisfied with H!P this year which is partially true but I’m still a fan.  I still suport and adore all of them.  I’m happy with new some of the additions and not really impressed with others.

But I will enjoy seeing them all grow. Sayumi started as a mildly annoying troll and suddenly she became a goddess.

I’m curious about 2016.

Happy New Year everybody!

nyuchandesu’15

 

 

 

2014 rankings – Top 5 songs to come out of the closet

There are some  everyday annoyances that can ruin a good day.  Forgetting an umbrella during a downpour, getting stuck in the traffic, listening to Koharu’s ‘Konnichi pa’ sober. But there’s just that one thing that always ruins your day. Getting stuck in the closet. No matter how loud you scream for help, there’s rarely anybody to hear you. You end up living there for a week until the postman comes with your latest e-lineup haul (consisting mostly of the trainees’ photos because you’re such a lollicon). So what can you do to make your flatmates slash family slash imaginary friends notice your absence? Luckily, you always carry a full set of speakers and your mp3 player with the 2015 songs by Hello!Project. Some of them are perfect for the occasion.

5. Kimi no Kawari wa Iyashinai by Morning Musume

Just do the crab everybody.

To let the people know that you’re there you need a fast-paced song with some chanting and great vocals. This one is great for you. Oda and Atsuko Maeda Riho are the vocal powerhouses that keep this song going. Suddenly you’re rooting for NIPPON NIPPON NIPPON NIPPON NIPPON. THEORY? IRONY? It doesn’t have to make sense, right? It’s loud, it’s strong, it’s enough to gain the attention.

4. The Future by C-ute

Oh, I’m sorry. It’s the wrong photo. Those costumes mislead me.

C-ute these days provides us with many powerful songs (that usually include either hip thrusting or butt groping. Not that I’m complaining.) In 2015, one of those had a particular hook that brings the boys to the yard, or in this situation to the closet. I’m talking about DE FIUUUUTCHEEEEEER *the sounds of a strangled kitten*. Your windows won’t stand the chance. Neither will the ears of the people within the 20 km radius. Somebody is bound to come the rescue for the sake of your FIUUUUTCHEEEEEER.

3. Mystery Night by S/mileage

Hm, I always thought that bras go under the clothes.

How can you lure somebody to help you? How about with a group of girls promising them a Mystery Night (it already sounds like a condom brand, doesn’t it?)? Bingo. There are a couple of useful bits in this song. One most prominent is the ‘Come on, come on, come on, come on’ part which sounds exactly like a person banging on the door. I can easily imagine myself pounding on the relentless wood of my closet and screaming “Come on!”. On the other hand, you can always switch back to seducing if you finish the phrase differently e.g. Come on my (any body part would do *shrugs*). I bet somebody would actually come to rescue you if you yell that one with enough ‘Sayu from It’s you’ type of charm.

2. Oheso no Kuni Kara Konnichiwa

Sure, this closet is big enough for all of you. Jump right in.

GREETINGS FROM BELLYBUTTON LAND GREETINGS FROM BELLYBUTTON LAND GREETINGS FROM BELLYBUTTON LAND GREETINGS FROM BELLYBUTTON LAND GREETINGS FROM BELLYBUTTON LAND GREETINGS FROM BELLYBUTTON LAND GREETINGS FROM BELLYBUTTON LAND GREETINGS FROM BELLYBUTTON LAND GREETINGS FROM BELLYBUTTON LAND GREETINGS FROM BELLYBUTTON LAND

You just can’t play this song without your rabid flatmates barging through the door  to suffocate you and annihilate the source of this ear-raping music. If they want to do it, they would have to free you from the closet first. That’s a win-win situation right there.

1. Eli, Eli Lema Sabachtani from the Lilium musical

It’s me! Please don’t eat me D:

That’s the blast you’ve been looking for. It starts quite innocently but then the pure power of the girls voices, the magnificence of the instruments worthy being the soundtrack of some epic battle (orcs vs elves, Riho vs Ayumi dance off, Kanon vs food) can break the doors of your closet. Nobody can stay immune to the glory of this song. Your whole neighbourhood would flood your flat searching the source of this epic vocal performance. (some of them to perform exorcisms I presume)  Perhaps the power if this song lies in pure numbers of the vocalists. Nevertheless, the song would definitely do the trick.

nyuchandesu

2014 rankings – Top 5 songs to mask the sound of bricks in your washing machine

It just can’t be helped. The time has come to finally clean those bricks. Your family glares at you every time they catch a glimpse of the sticky dirt covering your brick collection. It’s true, you hid it well in the oven but you just have to face the fact that it needs to be cleaned. Not really happy with the idea, you put the bricks in the washing machine. There’s still the problem of that repetitive thudding noise that will inevitably alarm your neighbours. You really don’t want to deal with their questions so you decide to find some Hello!Project songs to mask the pesky sounds. You’re quite lucky because Tsunku was quite generous in 2014 to provide you with some appropriate choices.

5. Berryz Koubou  ‘Ai wa Itsumo Kimi no Naka ni’

You love this song so much. You can probably sing it by heart right now. Every time that brick hits the metal there’s one “Ai’ in the lyrics. Everybody knows that love never makes love above love. Like seriously. Have you ever seen love that makes love above love? Me neither. The only drawback is that this song with it’s steady rhythm can’t mask the spinning program very well.

4. Morning Musume’14 ‘TIKI BUN’Do you want to mix the sexiness with the brick washing? No problem at all. We’ve got the cheeky buns that repeat themselves often enough to match the noise of your washing. You can even sit on the machine and enjoy the vibrations while singing along: ‘cheeky bun, cheeky bun’. Oh yeah…. Who’s your cheeky bun? Who’s your cheeky bun?!

3. Morning Musume ‘Password is 0’

Well, you could probably play the whole Message album by Morning Musume, right? It’s full of electro bashing that blends well with the dull thuds of your washing machine. But you can’t just play it at random. What about Toki wo Koe Sora wo Koe? Just imagine going through a rinsing program when this song starts playing. ‘Password is 0’ is so much better. The ‘ZERO’s are repeated often enough to do their job. There’s a rumour that with every repeated ZERO one child is given a bun. Go on, feed the world.

2. Juice=Juice ‘Senobi’Breathe, breathe. I know it’s gonna be hard but you have to bear it with me. Yes, I know that you absolutely hate this song but look on the bright side, neighbours will probably hate it even more. No, I have no idea how many ‘WOAH’s can cause a mental illness, go ask Momoko, she’s been through a few. But the steady rhythm of woahs repeated bazillion times can easily muffle those bricks! It’s a sacrifice you should be willing to make.

1. Berryz Koubou ‘1-Oku 3-Senman Sou Diet Oukoku’

This is exactly how washing bricks in a  washing machine sounds with autotune! This is THE song, believe me. Now you can simply relax while Berryz Koubou will do their best to cover all possible brick sounds with their WOWs, ONEGAIs, NENGARANENJUUs and basically every word that is on constant loop in this song. Let the neighbours know that the last night’s buffet dinner was too much on your stomach. You’re an honest person. Let them know that you can just run it off later and eat some more afterwards. It’s somehow connected to the fact that you want to be in love, you’re dead and you want to do good things for the world because of reasons. Yep. That’s the perfect choice.

nyuchandesu

2010 rankings – Top 5 songs to pimp your emo

Eyeliner? Check. Skulls? Check. Tissues? Check. Whiney music? OMG! I totally forgot my “The greatest emo songs of all time” CD! Oh noes. What should I do? My emo friends will be here soon! We can’t have an emo party without some good emo music! Wait a sec. Let’s check out my “H!P songs of 2010” playlist. BINGO

2010 rankings – Top 5 songs to hum along Kumbaya

Fire is blazing happily and as long as we sit near it, mosquitos can bite their own asses off. Can you hear the gurgle of the river in the valley? Can you smell the grass?  Fetch me some weed, my friend. Khem, wood.  I said wood. To flare the fire up, you know.  Marshmallows anyone?  It’s time to sing. Great idea, Tommy! Let’s sing a song to suit the mood. Kumbaya? Fuck you very much, Tom, but enough is enough. We need something new.

Here you have it.