Posts filed under ‘Top 5 yearly rankings’

Random 2015 awards

I thought about my yearly rankings  and some past contests and decided that this time I want to come back to my old format (as presented HERE). As a teacher I know that everybody deserve some kind of a award (even if I have to try really hard to make them up).


I followed H!P this year without much enthusiasm for the music. There were a couple of nice surprises but overall nothing too spectacular. But I’ll try my best to show some appreciation.

The “I don’t hate it” Song Award goes to “Taiki Bansei” by ANGRYGERMS

I don't hate itTaikiBansei-r


Taiki Bansei has earned it’s award with a very catchy TAIKI BANSEI WOOO that Juice=Juice’s Senobi just couldn’t imitate. I think I didn’t hate it from the start. I might even say that I kinda liked it from time to time.

The “I’m not ashamed of your songs anymore” Song Award goes to “Tsugi No Kado Wo Magare” by Kyuuto

not ashamed TheMiddleManagementJoseiChuukanKanrishoku-lc

When was the last time that I could show a non-wota a C-ute song without any regrets?I tried with I Miss You because of the innovative nature of the MV but the song itself wasn’t so spectacular. With Tsugi no Kado C-ute went fierce and beautiful. You’ve earned the award.

The “Sounds the same *shrugs*” Song Award goes to the whole Morning Musume’15 discography


It’s a pity that H!P flag group didn’t provide much this year in terms of songs. When I think about the songs I see the white/pale blue background and hear the heavy EDM sounds. Mostly. And I don’t like it.

The “Nearly naked enough” MV award goes to “Tsudzuiteiku STORY” by JUSU IS JUSU

nearly モーニング娘。映像編集、アプガ野音当日、J J MV、田﨑あさひの裏側!ゲストMC 鈴木香音(モーニング娘。 15)【GREEN ROOM 13】 YouTube

Fanservice galore. Do you hate it when H!P songs give you close ups and dance versions against a green screen? Why not have the same minus the dance shot but plus the nearly nakedness? Count me in.

The “Almost as pink as “Ookina Aide Motenashite” MV award goes to “Koi Doroubou” by Momoko Girls


I miss the cute level of “Ookina Aide Motenashite”. It’s the ultimate cuteness of the cutesy cuties. But Country Girls appeared with their retro cuteness and reclaimed colour pink. I love it!

There are still many more awards to give but let’s not be too lenient. Not everybody can get a trophy.

I might seem dissatisfied with H!P this year which is partially true but I’m still a fan.  I still suport and adore all of them.  I’m happy with new some of the additions and not really impressed with others.

 not impressed

But I will enjoy seeing them all grow. Sayumi started as a mildly annoying troll and suddenly she became a goddess.

I’m curious about 2016.

Happy New Year everybody!





January 1, 2016 at 12:52 AM 2 comments

2014 rankings – Top 5 songs to come out of the closet

There are some  everyday annoyances that can ruin a good day.  Forgetting an umbrella during a downpour, getting stuck in the traffic, listening to Koharu’s ‘Konnichi pa’ sober. But there’s just that one thing that always ruins your day. Getting stuck in the closet. No matter how loud you scream for help, there’s rarely anybody to hear you. You end up living there for a week until the postman comes with your latest e-lineup haul (consisting mostly of the trainees’ photos because you’re such a lollicon). So what can you do to make your flatmates slash family slash imaginary friends notice your absence? Luckily, you always carry a full set of speakers and your mp3 player with the 2015 songs by Hello!Project. Some of them are perfect for the occasion.

5. Kimi no Kawari wa Iyashinai by Morning Musume

mm_kimi_no_kawari_wa_iyashinaiJust do the crab everybody.

To let the people know that you’re there you need a fast-paced song with some chanting and great vocals. This one is great for you. Oda and Atsuko Maeda Riho are the vocal powerhouses that keep this song going. Suddenly you’re rooting for NIPPON NIPPON NIPPON NIPPON NIPPON. THEORY? IRONY? It doesn’t have to make sense, right? It’s loud, it’s strong, it’s enough to gain the attention.

4. The Future by C-ute

C-uteOh, I’m sorry. It’s the wrong photo. Those costumes mislead me.

C-ute these days provides us with many powerful songs (that usually include either hip thrusting or butt groping. Not that I’m complaining.) In 2015, one of those had a particular hook that brings the boys to the yard, or in this situation to the closet. I’m talking about DE FIUUUUTCHEEEEEER *the sounds of a strangled kitten*. Your windows won’t stand the chance. Neither will the ears of the people within the 20 km radius. Somebody is bound to come the rescue for the sake of your FIUUUUTCHEEEEEER.

3. Mystery Night by S/mileage

smileageHm, I always thought that bras go under the clothes.

How can you lure somebody to help you? How about with a group of girls promising them a Mystery Night (it already sounds like a condom brand, doesn’t it?)? Bingo. There are a couple of useful bits in this song. One most prominent is the ‘Come on, come on, come on, come on’ part which sounds exactly like a person banging on the door. I can easily imagine myself pounding on the relentless wood of my closet and screaming “Come on!”. On the other hand, you can always switch back to seducing if you finish the phrase differently e.g. Come on my (any body part would do *shrugs*). I bet somebody would actually come to rescue you if you yell that one with enough ‘Sayu from It’s you’ type of charm.

2. Oheso no Kuni Kara Konnichiwa

Oheso_no_Kuni_Kara_KonnichiwaSure, this closet is big enough for all of you. Jump right in.


You just can’t play this song without your rabid flatmates barging through the door  to suffocate you and annihilate the source of this ear-raping music. If they want to do it, they would have to free you from the closet first. That’s a win-win situation right there.

1. Eli, Eli Lema Sabachtani from the Lilium musical

[mmbbs]_LILIUM_Girls_Purity_Musical_(FFF790D8).mkv_003868798It’s me! Please don’t eat me D:

That’s the blast you’ve been looking for. It starts quite innocently but then the pure power of the girls voices, the magnificence of the instruments worthy being the soundtrack of some epic battle (orcs vs elves, Riho vs Ayumi dance off, Kanon vs food) can break the doors of your closet. Nobody can stay immune to the glory of this song. Your whole neighbourhood would flood your flat searching the source of this epic vocal performance. (some of them to perform exorcisms I presume)  Perhaps the power if this song lies in pure numbers of the vocalists. Nevertheless, the song would definitely do the trick.


January 14, 2015 at 2:49 AM 4 comments

2014 rankings – Top 5 songs to mask the sound of bricks in your washing machine

It just can’t be helped. The time has come to finally clean those bricks. Your family glares at you every time they catch a glimpse of the sticky dirt covering your brick collection. It’s true, you hid it well in the oven but you just have to face the fact that it needs to be cleaned. Not really happy with the idea, you put the bricks in the washing machine. There’s still the problem of that repetitive thudding noise that will inevitably alarm your neighbours. You really don’t want to deal with their questions so you decide to find some Hello!Project songs to mask the pesky sounds. You’re quite lucky because Tsunku was quite generous in 2014 to provide you with some appropriate choices.

5. Berryz Koubou  ‘Ai wa Itsumo Kimi no Naka ni’

berryzYou love this song so much. You can probably sing it by heart right now. Every time that brick hits the metal there’s one “Ai’ in the lyrics. Everybody knows that love never makes love above love. Like seriously. Have you ever seen love that makes love above love? Me neither. The only drawback is that this song with it’s steady rhythm can’t mask the spinning program very well.

4. Morning Musume’14 ‘TIKI BUN’tiki bunDo you want to mix the sexiness with the brick washing? No problem at all. We’ve got the cheeky buns that repeat themselves often enough to match the noise of your washing. You can even sit on the machine and enjoy the vibrations while singing along: ‘cheeky bun, cheeky bun’. Oh yeah…. Who’s your cheeky bun? Who’s your cheeky bun?!

3. Morning Musume ‘Password is 0’

Password0Well, you could probably play the whole Message album by Morning Musume, right? It’s full of electro bashing that blends well with the dull thuds of your washing machine. But you can’t just play it at random. What about Toki wo Koe Sora wo Koe? Just imagine going through a rinsing program when this song starts playing. ‘Password is 0’ is so much better. The ‘ZERO’s are repeated often enough to do their job. There’s a rumour that with every repeated ZERO one child is given a bun. Go on, feed the world.

2. Juice=Juice ‘Senobi’juice juice senobiBreathe, breathe. I know it’s gonna be hard but you have to bear it with me. Yes, I know that you absolutely hate this song but look on the bright side, neighbours will probably hate it even more. No, I have no idea how many ‘WOAH’s can cause a mental illness, go ask Momoko, she’s been through a few. But the steady rhythm of woahs repeated bazillion times can easily muffle those bricks! It’s a sacrifice you should be willing to make.

1. Berryz Koubou ‘1-Oku 3-Senman Sou Diet Oukoku’


This is exactly how washing bricks in a  washing machine sounds with autotune! This is THE song, believe me. Now you can simply relax while Berryz Koubou will do their best to cover all possible brick sounds with their WOWs, ONEGAIs, NENGARANENJUUs and basically every word that is on constant loop in this song. Let the neighbours know that the last night’s buffet dinner was too much on your stomach. You’re an honest person. Let them know that you can just run it off later and eat some more afterwards. It’s somehow connected to the fact that you want to be in love, you’re dead and you want to do good things for the world because of reasons. Yep. That’s the perfect choice.


January 9, 2015 at 1:30 AM 3 comments

2010 rankings – Top 5 songs to pimp your emo

Eyeliner? Check. Skulls? Check. Tissues? Check. Whiney music? OMG! I totally forgot my “The greatest emo songs of all time” CD! Oh noes. What should I do? My emo friends will be here soon! We can’t have an emo party without some good emo music! Wait a sec. Let’s check out my “H!P songs of 2010” playlist. BINGO

January 2, 2011 at 1:11 PM 3 comments

2010 rankings – Top 5 songs to hum along Kumbaya

Fire is blazing happily and as long as we sit near it, mosquitos can bite their own asses off. Can you hear the gurgle of the river in the valley? Can you smell the grass?  Fetch me some weed, my friend. Khem, wood.  I said wood. To flare the fire up, you know.  Marshmallows anyone?  It’s time to sing. Great idea, Tommy! Let’s sing a song to suit the mood. Kumbaya? Fuck you very much, Tom, but enough is enough. We need something new.

Here you have it.

January 1, 2011 at 9:57 PM 4 comments

2009 rankings – Top 5 songs to lose your friends with

You look around in panic. Nobody’s there but you double check under the bed. Your room mates left an hours ago but you can never be sure. Is everything ready? Curtains closed? CHECK. Desk against the door? CHECK. The time has come and there’s no way back now. You enter the closet and try your best to stop trembling. Is it the conditioning or is it your sweat glands? Just don’t panic. Breathe. Nice and slow. Everything is gonna be okey.  But for fuck’s sake do what you have to do unless you want to be caught! So you take your mp3 player, push the play button and pray to all the gods of the world that your friends won’t hear a distant tone of ‘Mini.Strawberry Pie’.

Have you been there? I certainly have. I prepared to you a list of 2009 songs that when listened to in the presence of your friends, would certainly limit the number of your future birthday presents.

5. Mano Erina ‘Santa no Saxophone’

It’s a massive weapon against any bond of friendship. I don’t know many ppl that would say “Oh so you like this song, eh? Well, if it’s kinda…nice.” Usually they’re more like “Oh so you like this song, eh? Well, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, FREAK?!”

4. Berryz Koubou ‘Ryuusei Boy’

I watched the PV with a major WTF expression plastered to my face. Bashing about it in a post would be just too easy. Besides, most bloggers done it so there’s little left to add. So why, I keep on asking myself, do I like this song?! WHy the hell this tune is stuck to my head regardless all the shit?! Dunno. But what I know for sure is that my friends wouldn’t support me.

3.  Kusumi Koharu ‘HattenxJOY’

The ultimate guilty pleasure. What’s so special about Din Don Don Din that makes my foot tap to the rhythm? And who’s the guy that provides the gangsta intro? ‘You don’t want to mess with me’ wtf? I don’t know the translation but he sounds like Koha’s pimp.  Pimp? Hm.. could it be…

Niah, not really XD

2. Shugo Chara ‘Minna no Tamago’

My room mates reaction to this song was ‘Are you a paedophile?!’. The nickname stuck for some time == Yep, definitely a good song to lose your friends with. But then I almost blew up the flat and they called me pyromaniac so it’s fine now 🙂 Sheesh, glad they didn’t see my Riko Kawanishi Dvd D:

Pedobear approved

1.  Morning Musume (JunJun, LinLin, Koharu) ‘Guru Guru Jump’

Infective as hell and goofy beyond cognition.  I luv it.

My room mates after hearing it for the first time –

If your friendship is really strong, try showing them the live performance of this song. It works.


The songs from The top 5 songs to torture old ladies with – This ranking is about songs that leave you friendless and not about songs that will get you arrested. There’s a slight difference, but there is 🙂


Listening to : Buono! ‘Bravo Bravo’

January 6, 2010 at 11:28 PM 3 comments

2009 rankings with a surprise – Top 5 songs to reduce cellulite with

Women want to get rid of it. Men claim they don’t notice it but they really do. Kids are being brought up to hate it. CELLULITE.  If you think that you don’t have it, dream on. Don’t cry over spilled milk. Try to do something about it! I present to you a list of songs that are perfect for a nice little booty shaking. So prepare your tights and get going!

5. C-ute ‘SHINES’

Although Airi’s ass is teh best, C-ute’s song ranked number 5. It’s not a butt contest after all 🙂 The song has this Brazilian carnival feel to it and nobody can sit while listening to it (did I mention that I tend to sing it while being on the Island with the Losties, espiecially Sayid? I didn’t.  But I did mention that I’m crazy, did I?). It’s like a bucket of positive energy. Grab a towel (or a fallic ballon – ABC tour sucks hard by all means) and WOW WOW WOW ppl!

4. Zoku Vijuden ‘ONLY YOU’

A lolli ass, yes please! Who cares that it’s Rii?! LOLLI ASS #@$%* droool. Khem, right. Where was I? Ah, ‘ONLY YOU’ livens up every party. Head banging and playing the air guitar while smashing to pieces the furniture is embedded in this song.  After playing it the septillionth time my muscles scream for me to stop (this one I direct at Edward the fucking awesome Cullen XD).

3. Morning Musume ‘Kimagure Princess’

It’s the Ass ‘n Boobies song after all. Chipmunks voices set a pace that is hard to follow and lethal to the orange peel. Both thumbs up. And all the boobie grabbing and fondling adds to the pros of ‘Kimagure Princess’ ranking number 3.  Me want more see-through places on the costumes! Front perhaps? Next PV, plz mister Tsunku!

2. Buono ‘My Boy’

Surprisingly ravishing Momo ass decorates number two that is Buono’s ‘My Boy’, my personal favourite of all rankings until ‘SHOCK’ came and blew me away. Don’t you think it’s a perfect song for running? The tempo is mind-blowing. The rock-ish flavour sets you jogging like a maniac. Anti-cellulite Association Seal of Approval!

1. C-ute (Yajima Maimi) ‘Seishun Song’

Maimi can’t even spell ‘cellulite’. She’s the fiercest dancer of all C-ute girls and the one with the most energetic solos. Can we forget her ‘Natsu Doki Lipstick’ performances? She owns the stage when she dances and ‘Seishun Song’ moved ‘energetic’ to another level. It’s fucking crazy! Can you imagine a workout with this song in the background? Pure evil and a definite cellulite killer.


A present 🙂 I made a video compiling 2009 PVs (most of them, I didn’t have a few like Ama no Jaku) to King Julian’s   version of  ‘I like to move it’. It’s far, and I mean FAAAAAR, from being perfect. I don’t have a slighest idea how to resize some of the videos I used so bear with me 🙂  To explain myself, it’s my first video and it took me days of teeth gritting to make it more or less ready D: Anyway, have fun 🙂


Listening to :  Buono ‘Rottara Rottara’

January 6, 2010 at 12:55 AM 4 comments

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