Sekushi Princess – the true story

Here it is at last! Momusu’s newest single has a PV which as usual became a core of a heated debate between instant lovers of the song and militant haters. There’s not the slightest chance to have an objective review (‘objectivity’ is paradoxical in its nature) so what remains? Good old snark Of course. No ENG subs are available and we can freely interpret the song judging by the video.

Princess lived in a castle. Duh.  But it was a modern castle with street lamps inside.  She was a very extravagant and wealthy princess.

She bragged about her fancy castle everywhere she could – “My castle is better than your pathetic shanty cause my castle has a ROOF *hands forming a triangle above her head*”

Although she was full of herself, citizens loved her for her casual attitude with other people – “Yo, bro. I’m a mada facka pryncez. Respect”

And her famous sense of humour – “Pull the finger! Pull the finger! LOL XD”

Good gracious, what a sight she was. She was slim.

Had great ass she loved to fondle on her own…

… and liked to encourage others to fondle it.

She had boobs the Okada Yui/KonKon/Rika size.

But she was a tricky little princess and enjoyed teasing the boys.

She promised to stroke you like a pro she was.

And then she pulled your eyeball with her bare hand.

She offered to lick your finger number 21 thoroughly.

And then cried and asked her daddy to disembowel you.

Teasing was not her only vice. She was also malicious.

So she put a lot of citizens, especially girls, in her dungeon. E.g. :

Girl # 1

For her annoying habit of touching her face constantly and being overly happy about it.

Girl #2

For peeing on the pavements in daylight.

Girl # 3

For sweaty and disgusting armpits.

Girl # 3

For tasting her ass on her fingers and grossing out everybody.

The king knew about his daughter’s vices and it troubled him a lot. He wanted the princess to be educated and protect her reputation so he called Merlin, Gandalf’s bed mate, and asked him to teach his daughter something practical. After months of rigid training, the princess was ready to show off her new skill. The citizens gathered in the hall of the castle, the king sat on his throne and nodded his head.

The princess stood still and then…

…she started to…

..make a …

…blazing circle…

… with her hand.

The king blinked. The citizens stood motionless. And then the king did…

… the facepalm.

THE END

ladybird

Listening to : Buono ‘Rottara Rottara’

B I G to the BANG :D~~

I discovered Big Bang merely a couple of weeks ago. I got addicted to ‘Lollipop’ and then even more addicted to ‘Lies’.  It was something fresh. Those yummy boys…mhm… mixed with a hip-hop beat and drama. A  MUST SEE ^^ I don’t know their names, I can’t recognise all of them but I have some clue about them in general.

So recently I checked on the boys and was eager to see the  PV for a japanese/English song ‘Gara Gara GO!!!’

The title itself  ‘Gara Gara GO!!!’ got me thinking…

…what did Gaara do to you?! He’s so innocent and sweet. Awww…

But, luckily, it was some other Gara without double ‘aa’ who obviously must go but I’m still figuring the reason why.

PV starts with the boys getting swallowed by gigantic violet lips.  Man, Tsunku should learn from them XD

Oh hello there. Are you GD? Can I call you the hand-licker for the moment? Nice hat but please do something with the ice-cubes on your arm. I don’t know who told you that ice-cubes on your arm make you look more badass and sexy but he was either retarded or Tsunku… or both.

Welcome oilcloths Tsunku, come out come out wherever you are. I know you’re somewhere there after you had assassinated the real costume person and given the  boys your own costumes.Tricky bastard. You’re lucky that Maasa is nowhere around cause she would own your ass. Some ppl would appreciate that. coughpervertscough

Yyyy….  a really impressive collection of tacky rings you got there. The second one seems somewhat familiar. Have you recently visited a country called Mordor?

That explains a lot My advice, throw it into hot lava pit of doom.

Pointing your finger is considered rude in most countries, Mr Thick-Eyebrows-And-Nerdy-Fringe.

At this moment I began to notice the melody. Hmm.. yep quite nice. Very Big Bang. I’m not good at music labels. It’s definitely not Hip Hop. More like Hip Pop with some disco beat and a dash of techno. The electronic rhythm is very popular these days with the idea of going back to the 80s and stuff like that.  The Chorus is catchy and I still cannot get it out of my head ‘B I G to the Bang!’ XD Pure liquid love

BUT:

- the O guy (I’ll talk about him in a minute) and other boys also are sometimes given the electronic synthesiser voices which make them sound like Saki from C-ute in Bye, bye, bye PV. Not  a good path to follow.

Please, for the love of Kago Ai’s smexiness don’t go that way!!!!

-  The amount of English (NOT Engrish) in this song was disturbing. Okey, I want them to go international but either you sing in English or in Japanese with some English phrases. I don’t think that English speaking mainstream would appreciate Japanese phrases in a song. C’mon. Where’s the sense in that?! You’ll get all your fans confused.

Lyrics (source: http://minsarang.wordpress.com/2009/07/04/lyrics-big-bang-gara-gara-go-rom-eng-jap/)

You know I gotta do it again, right?
Aooooh Yeah
B B Big Bang
Oh Eh Oh
Yeah
Oh Eh Oh
Take the party down! Oh!

Hot na natsu no taiyou
It’s about time hajimeyou
Time to party here fo’ sho

Take the party down! Oh!

Minna de asobi ni ikou
Oretachi to come on let’s go!
Natsu daze party time dayo! oh! oh! oh!

Soshite odore wo dance floor
Motto movin’ groovin’
Ikashita party

Say B I G to the BANG
Sawagi ga asa made
Just dance!
Gara Gara Gara Go!
Oretachi no way
La La La La La

Odorina my sexy lady
Moriagare everybody
Don’t stop now JUMP! JUMP!
Don’t stop now JUMP! JUMP!

Big Bang rocks tonight!
Oh Eh Oh
Big Bang rocks tonight!

Take the party down! oh!

Mou mune ga hajikesou
Oto ni notte ikou
Ikeru toko made ikou

Take the party down! Oh!

Soba ni kite give me some more
Subete wo wasurechaou
Come on and feel the rythm in ma flow

Soshite koko de futari
zutto bumpin’ shakin’
odorou yo honey

Say B I G to the BANG
Kore kara mada mada
Just bang!
Gara Gara Gara Go!
Oretachi to say
Na Na Na Na Na

Te wo agete my sexy baby
Koe dashite everybody
Don’t stop now JUMP! JUMP!
Don’t stop now JUMP! JUMP!

Big Bang rocks tonight!
Oh Eh Oh
Big Bang rocks tonight!
Oh Eh Oh (T.O.P.)
T.O.P (Hey)
My style, my stage
so fresh, so clean
never falling, just ke-ke-keep it jumping
see her, get low
long fall fo’ sho’
she gon’ make it go bump bump bump
so let’s go ya’ll
we gon’ let it all out tonight girl
see the name T.O.P up and nice girl
everybody knows we up, they down
so let me see you shake shake that around
It’s all sound bring the beat pump to the speakers
Man then meet the heart of the picture
GD is neat in the flesh top to bottom so freshly dressed
I am here to get down
Lose control take hold of the sound
Bring it o-o-o-offf the ground
Big bang no doubt
We gon’ turn it out for sure

Say B I G to the BANG
Sawagi ga asa made
Just dance!
Gara Gara Gara Go!
Oretachi no way
La La La La La

Odorina my sexy lady
Moriagare everybody
Don’t stop now JUMP! JUMP!
Don’t stop now JUMP! JUMP!

Big Bang rocks tonight!
Oh Eh Oh
Big Bang rocks tonight!
Oh Eh Oh
Big Bang rocks tonight!
Oh Eh Oh

I appreciate decent English instead of ‘Help dangerous Earth’ or ‘Life is one time’. Just one Engrish sentence

made me LOL – ‘Man then meet the heart of the picture’ hmm… is it a metaphor?

equals

The setting must’ve been borrowed from Justin Timberlake’s ‘Rcok Your Body’ studio. Seems highly improbable. hmm… Most likely they broke in Justin’s studio during the night and boys already in the shiny costumes recorded the video and flew back to Korea right afterwards Yep, sounds better.

Push it, push it XD Most of the screen time guys sit on the chair and act all ‘I’m the most fucking smexy thing ever which makes Edward Cullen go emo again’

We know it's not true. You're much more smexy *pats on the head*

or ‘I’ll slap ya bichez cause I’m baaad to the boooone ZZtop style’

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Hello the O guy XD He does it all the time. Not only in this PV.

Alright, so we have the badass smexy hardcore rappers dressed in ….

…gayish outfits (hello again the O guy ) surrounded by…

…as sexy as Tsunku’s hairy ass Lady Gaga’s offspirng back dancers doing some awkward choreography or…

… blinded by their own helmets crazy road workers in swimsuits. Cool. At least creative and dynamic Overall, it’s not Big Bang’s greatest invention and the song after some time gets a bit  boring but I recommend waiting for more from them.

ladybird

Listening to : Berryz Koubou ‘Special Generation (Eccentric Remix) ‘

W (Double U) musical – snarky interpretation PART 1

There’s some crazy shit happening right now in H!P factory, (Miracles kicked out, flat chested girls given PBs, former members showing off their asscracks etc.) and as a coping mechanism I decided to find some relief in the past. No, I don’t mean Elder Club. Sheesh, I thought they would never leave. I have in mind sweet sweet Aibon and the other girl with monstrous ribbons XD  I watched their musical – ‘W – Fushigi Shojo Tantei Cara&Mel – Ma no Violin Tonan Jiken’  (also known as ‘Kago and the other girl – Random fun magical Cara&Mel – some crazy violin’) without subtitles and it was…well..how shall I put it…hm… a major ROFL. I read a general description of a plot but nothing else. You can find this musical here: http://www.hello-online.org/index.php?act=tracker&CODE=details&torrent=21072.   The following description slash comments slash snarky snark will be my own interpretation of the storyline. Prepare for randomness

Stage looks fairly small. I can already smell the excitement. Oh I miss the stage. I think that in about 1 week we’ll gave a rehearsal. Good times, good times.

Actors enter the room and walk down the aisles beckoning the crowd to clap (Minna tebyoushi CHACCHACCHA CHACCHA~!!! Playing in my head).Look closely at the audience. That’s a cultural difference. American guys prefer watching a match on TV with a beer (the same with Polish guys) while Japanese guys go to theatres. Sophisticated? Not really. They watch some under-age girls playing around and some pathetic ‘actors’ fighting to earn some cash to feed the kids at home.

I bet that the fourth person from the seventh row thinks at the moment :’WTF?! I want my fucking money back!’ and I can end my review right now as the aforementioned thoughts of  a random viewer pretty much summarized the whole musical before the very start of the plot. The majority of people in the room are male and over thirties. But does it mean that those ppl are retarded?! They surely look retarded but it’s not the point XD The opening song is supposed to be at least decent. You need to capture the audience, make it hum the song throughout next scenes, make it wanna learn the dance done on stage.

And what next? Stub your nose while doing an imaginary basketball match?! Hmm, that’s highly probable. I’ve seen these costumes somewhere…

…oh here they are XD Oh Tsunku, you thought I wouldn’t notice. Tsk, tsk.

*shrugs*

Oh c’mon, there must be some positive aspects of the opening song. *ponders upon it in silence* I’ve got it! There must be some hot chicks to distract us from the massacre of a performance! Lets have a closer look on those delicious…

*chokes on my own saliva*

Sweet Jezus Almighty in Heaven! What’s THAT?! Surely, there is a bunch of lovely girls able to dance and sing and do a little acting available in H!P, right?!  Isn’t it the core of H!P?! Isn’t it the reason that middle aged guys fap in MaiMai’s towel?!

Back to the ‘plot’. What a surprise! Red light appears accompanied by some horror movies score. Actors are alarmed and flouncing on stage real time. Half of the audience shitted their pants. THEN,  a bunch of imaginary zombies enter the stage and start eating  the aristocratic looking ppl’s brains! (well, it looks like that XD) Holy shit!

The cameraman is also under attack as he tries to fight the zombies and at the same time record the musical. He holds the camera with his left hand and we see some shaky glimpses of ppl on stage tossing and holding their heads! Imaginary blood splutters the audience, invisible intestines are kicking around on the floor – RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!

But it’s too late. After a couple of exciting moments, we see the defeat of aristocracy and arise of the zombies. Now, the brainless aristocrats are no longer in control of their bodies while the mysterious shadow of the imaginary zombie king appears on stage. The fourth person from the seventh row looks more or less like this:

Pussy. It’s just a beginning, mate XD

Lights go off and…

…after a short pause we can see a colourful room which again seems strangely familiar.. Hm.. a bit of Berryz ‘Rival’ cardboard heaven but still it’s not it. oh, yes, here it is…..

Give me crayons! There are too many empty places on the curtains! What’s with the rectangular pattern on the walls?! It’s IRREGULAR! Gr… my sense of balance is broken.  But overall, cute is cute and no discussions here. Plastic food (perhaps done better in SEISHUN Love Lunch) plus Nono and her gigantic ribbon is just a part of this ‘make it fucking cute’ plan.  Fine to me. With some limits.

Oh, Aibon *sigh* My sweet, sweet virgin Aibon.  Those yummy legs, uber cute uniform, girly pigtails…. OMFG NAKAZAWA YUKO QUEEN OF HADES WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT FURRY MONSTER NEXT TO NONO?!!!!!! Geez, it scared the living shit out of me. Please, dear God, let this mistake of evolution stay on the ground motionless.

Nono tried to eat the plushy cake alone but Aibon being the sneaky little devil suspected something nasty from her fellow detective. Note to myself. Don’t trust girls with gigantic ribbons.

Aibon noticed that Nono’s mouth was full of something. When asked what it is, Nono gave a rather ..hm.. bold excuse expressed with gestures…

My, my. Nono, my dear child, you must have been really desperate to resolve to this excuse. Fortunately, Kago is a pro in these matters (or will be in very near future *wink wink*)and knows that in these circumstances Nono’s face expression would be different. More delighted and less neutral.

She starts chasing Nono. The audience rub their hands together in anticipation of some perverted BDSM action with Kago getting Nono over her knee, pulling her panties down slowly, spreading her legs just a little….  (the fourth person from the seventh row drools all over their shirt)…

And then the girls did the mistake of their lives (well, Kago’s mistake of her life will come  a bit later…). They trod on the Furry Monster…

OW NOES! It’s alive!!!! And moving! RUN, BITCHez, RUUUUUUUN!!! Luckily, the phone rung and the furry beast calmed down a bit.

Nono seems disappointed that Aibon lost interest in the chase. I got the feeling that the whole intrigue with eating the cake was just as fake as the cake itself and she just hoped for some hot ass whooping.

BAAACK, to the khem,khem story. Something bad happened and girls need to discuss it.

What’s with this frigging DOG?! My back hurts when I see this actor kneeling all the time and my pride aches when I see him making a fool of himself.

For fuck’s sake, this creature seriously creeps me out!!!!!

But yey it’s about time for a song! \(^o^)/ Nono is introduced as Mel and Aibon as Cara with a catchy, energetic and fun song I still hum under my nose. Some old ppl dressed as detectives replace Hello!Project Eggs. Tsunku, you’re a genius.

TSUNKU: Really?

ME: No.

Miss random detective back dancer, I understand you’re overwhelming desire to guffaw when seeing Nono’s gigantic ribbon. Screw the choreography, just give in to the feeling of utter amusement XD

Tsunku got really thrifty with the musical. He employed some actors wannabes, used cardboard props and even recycled old H!P moves into the dance. Luckily, he used good moves so I don’t mind

When everybody’s attention is on Kago’s legs, some bald pedo wearing a hat enters the stage.

Again, the audience expects some juicy illegal action. Will it be the case? Who is he? Stay tuned XD

ladybird

Listening to: V-u-den ‘Kuchibiru Kara Ai wo Choudai’

A few words about Koharu

The news of Kusumi Koharu’s graduation left me shocked like most of the wotas. I don’t have to think of evidence that Koharu is my favourite member in the current line-up of Morning Musume. My headbar says it all. I’ve been through this with Kago leaving so I’m not that devastated as I was back then. Koharu graduates to pursue her own career. She hasn’t been suspended, she doesn’t leave the group in ’shame’ (Japenes version of shame). With Kago it was much harder. It was a bumpy ride. And it still is. She returned for  a while and then got suspended again. I hope that Koharu will have  a beautiful graduation concert. I would love to contribute to any fan’s project to show how much I would miss her energy, her charm. I’m definitely buying her PB. It will be my first purchase but I want to do it so much.

GORGEOUS KOHA

Her first PB was the time when I discovered her true beauty. Her lips are yummy I hated how they forced her into a ponytail. She looks gorgeous with loose hair. I know that she would do fine as a gravure model and I’m pretty sure that she’ll try some TV appearances. Her energy is just too prominent to be wasted away on still pictures only.

Her smile melts my heart There was nothing forced about her. This freshness is something Aika, Junjun and LinLin missed when they entered MM. I think that Tsunku trained those three and pushed them into developing a character. LinLin already posed as a cute but dumb and we all know how it turned out. Aika was huggable. JunJun is a different story. Great chara but sorry to say that she lacks the beauty. Maybe a PB would change that? Or more lines in a PV? Koha was given enough time to blossom in so many different shades.

Nikki PB gave us a sexy Koha and as much surprised as I was I wasn’t too much against it. Along with Sayu’s Love letter PB it was my favourite Photobook.

I bit slutty but stylish at the same time.

Amazing set. She’s a princess but with a natural spark. She might have just returned  drunk from a part and now rolls on the floor unable to look straight. Still lovely

CUTE KOHA

Sayumi was her mentor and she taught her well. Cute Koha is something we all adore. It borders on wacky but in Kirarin Revolution everything is suitable.

A lot of pink means usually a lot of win

Papancake, aside from Koi Kana, was my favourite Kirarin PV. Her outfit is amazing. I love her frilly skirt and the colours. The song is not her best but catchy nonetheless.

She looks so sweet with her hair done like that. It suits her well. She’s the only person that can pull overly cute without annoying me immensely.

WACKY KOHA

Koharu on sugar is capable of  a lot of craziness. She can sing about cosines or do ‘Oha~~’ with a goofy smile and over the top enthusiasm. She’s multifunctional

She’s made for wacky songs.

Koha PINKU!!! Mietemaska?! Nyu chan desu desu desu ~~

Am I the only person that thought Rainbow Pink was fantastic? Konninichi Pa is too much for me to bear but live performance of ultra genki pinku duo is a want.

DO YOU HAVE SUGAR?! ME WANT SUGAR

Welcome to Kohaland! Fasten your seatbelts, eat some sugar cakes with sugar and do the Hana wo Puuuuun move Yey!

NOT SO PRETTY  KOHA

Just for the sake of balance. Lets be honest about it. She had her ups and downs She would be boring Miyabi without them. Her graduation cannot change our perspective.

Oh for fuck’s sake! There are too many horrible elements of this outfit to even attempt at discussing them. Pure hate.

She is a HORRIBLE singer. She’s out of breath immediately and lip synch is the only way to stop my ears from bleeding.

Tsunku had to teach her  a lot. Say ‘Ah’. Great. That’s my girl. That’s how you show support to your manager.

Even wackiness has its own limits. It’s the worst VTR ever.

I will obviously support Morning Musume. I will support Koharu. It’s sad that she’s leaving. It’s shocking that she’s leaving. Some may agree some may disagree but can we just be  a bit cold-headed about the whole situation? It’s not like Morning Musume disbands or Tsunku is arrested for child molesting and MaiMai becomes a prostitute. I will laugh if somebody writes : Koharu who? XD I like her but I wouldn’t chop anybody’s head off to punish the haters I wish her good luck and a lot of wise people around her to give her advice on her next steps in the industry.

ladybird

Listening to: Kusumi Koharu ‘HattenxJOY’

Berryz Koubou Concert Tour 2009 Spring – review part 3 LAST

Continue with the last part of  a review. This one is a bit pervy and has  a little storyline in the end Hope you like it.

Furare Pattern

They should have performed this song with their previous set of costumes. These colourful, frilly, dead animals, outfits are out of place (the same is with Momo’s helium voice but who listens to me anyway?!)

Look closely. One wota almost grabbed Saki’s crotch. Lucky bastard ;D

The song is in the COOL zone, the fact I’m always eager to embrace. And here comes the choreographer (along which the costume person) who’s always ready to spoil all the fun. Seriously, what’s the deeper meaning, the great metaphor behind this move?

How should I call it? The ‘alien hand symptom’ move? The ‘OMFG it’s my hand’ move? Or ‘there’s a hand growing out of the left side of my head’ move? Or maybe ‘the magical trick with a disappearing hand suddenly reappearing from the back of my head’ move? Dunno. I can call it ‘the annoying’ move but that might be confusing, although true.

This blurred pump behind me used to be Momo but she commented on my awkward dancing. Wanna join her?

I’ll pass. But you seriously move like a pissed robot

Dschinghis Khan

That’s the song for which the costumes are appropriate! PV had its great moments with Chinami or little kids jumping around like a parody of wotadom. When the song is stripped of the background and thrown on the live stage it’s either an epic win or epic fail. Usually win. This time it’s just a win. At least not a fail. Girls are exhausted and sweaty while this song requires a lot of fresh enthusiasm, high tension and energy.

There were a lot of moments (like this above, watch Rii) when girls were distracted by making sure that their make-up is still on the face and not in the boots. When I see how they use their own probably sweaty like satan’s ass by this moment hands to wipe the sweat off their faces I’m disgusted. Yeah, it’s natural, inevitable and so on. Does it make it less disgusting? Nope.

Momo: HOI!

Wotas: Shoot her!

Happiness ~Koufuku Kangei!~

The first time I heard this song I thought the Engrish lyrics were ‘We welcome the sadness tonight!’. It was a bit confusing with all the happy dancing and smiles but I got over it with a knowing ‘Tsunku and his crazy brain’ on my lips. The melody is irritating, dance is forgettable and nothing can save this song from a major fail.

The ‘kick the balls’ move. Is it the way of welcoming happiness tonight? I don’t know, but what I know for sure is that Maasa is VERY into it.

Yuujou Junjou oh Seishun

There are some popular words among H!P lyrics which most probably will be included in a majority of forthcoming songs.

yume

jump

merodi

junjou

koi no yadayada

do it

hoi/hai/woo/fuu/yey/oh/oi ….

seishun

And so on. When you read the title Yuujou Junjou oh Seishun and see that the lyrics include a lot of OHs and some Engrish you can be sure that this is  a pure ‘wota song’ made for concerts specifically. It’s supposed to provide fun and it does. At least, when you attend a concert. But when you watch it…you can only focus on some body parts jumping and observe rivers of sweat. Only.

sodium 0.9 gram/liter+ potassium 0.2 gram/liter+ calcium 0.015 gram/liter+magnesium 0.0013 gram/liter+water= smexy Berryz

MC

WHAT?! Since when asking a crowd to make  a monkey pose counts as an MC?!

Make  a Monkey pose! Yey! ^^

I see that you didn’t do the fucking Monkey pose! You’ll welcome the pain tonight, shithead.

Yuke Yuke Monkey Dance

The song is crazy, has completely wacky lyrics and the PV is embarrassing to watch (with some great Chinami’s moments). It’s fun and I’m addicted to it. TIKITIKI is stuck in my head. I prefer songs like Dakishimete Dakishimete but some craziness is good for health when delivered in small doses XD The stage goes wild! Girls are out of control! Wotas attack the stage! The orgy begins!

Holy cow! Yess…0oh yes.. show me what you got. (Saki enjoys some gratitude from Miyabi’s lips)

Yurina shows Momo who’s the boss with a bit of a BACKstage fun

Momo is shocked by the experience and  a bit embarrassed…

…but thrilled at the same time so she decides to encourage the wotas to try the same good stuff with the rest of the girls, however….

…non of them were prepared for the eager response of wotas now swarming into the stage and scaring them all.

CLAP!

Can it get even more genki? So many intense songs in the row.  Again a true ‘wota song’ with all the elements of chanting, repetitive moves and crack induced wackiness.

The lyrics say: CLAP. Girls do CLAP. If you’re an extremely retarded wota, you’d still need a manual on the screen. Here it is. Clapping hands. Now you get it? Oh, yeah. Now it’s clear. CLAP. Brilliant.

I haven’t seen you clapping! Yeah, I’m talking to you!

MEANWHILE…

Rii and Momo research the triangle

Chinami joins while Rii gazes at her lips hungrily and Momo is suffoctaed by two pairs of mountains

Seishun Bus Guide

Backstage

Girls go backstage for a change of clothes. They’re sweating, panting and begging for some water and dry towels.

Risako: OMFG, I can already feel sweat running down my legs!

Chinami: It’s not sweat, sweetheart. Let me clean it up for you.

Maasa: Shut the fuck up! Tsunku, where the fuck is my beer?!

Tsunku: Chill out ladies. I know you’re tired and sweaty. Uncle Tsunku wants only the best for you. Put this on and everything will be awwright.

Maasa: The last time I heard this shit you gave us fucking monkey costumes! Best for me my ass, bastard!

Tsunku: Maasa, put away the knives and just trust me this one last time!

Maasa: …. Ok, just give these damn outfits and lest go back on stage.

I’ll kill you for this Tsunku!

God, it must be horrible to dance in these .. things! Their skin screams for oxygen, sweat glands are swelling and who knows what else! And what for?! For a song about a bus guide?! About dreaming of being a microphone and other sick fantasies?! Call Child Services! This is pure pointless torture. And there aren’t even any abs to look at!!! ><

Rival

The oilcloth stretches impossibly while the girls struggle to do the dance of Rival.

They tried to form a mute HELP with their arms but nobody understood. So sad. Sniff

Can you spell ‘excruciating pain’, Tsunku? CAN YOU?

I’ll cut your throat with a blunt knife.

And I’ll squeeze your balls until they turn blue

Anata Nashi de wa Ikite Yukenai

Backstage

Tsunku lies bleeding furiously.

Maasa: DID. I. MAKE. MYSELF. CLEAR.? says Maasa and punctuates each word with a stump on Tsunku’s ribs.

Tsunku: &%$#&%$#

Maasa: DID I?! she screams right into the purple plump being Tsunku’s face.

Tsunku: Yes *screams in agony* the right costumes are there!!! he answers and cries.

Maasa: They better be fucking awesome.

YOU’RE DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don’t know who made these costumes. Are those some leftovers from a theatre? Was it like :Hey, lets dress them like princesses and princes and let them sing their first single! I’m so fucking smart! Niaff, niaff.

Put us in shackles and end our misery

nobody can do COOL while in these parodies of costumes.

I’ll be merciful and push the SKIP button. The same with MC

Sono Subete no Ai ni

The girls apparently reached their emotional limits. The’ve been forced to suffer from dehydration, almost fainted from the lack of rest and were told to wear horrendous outfits. I would have cried too.

Poor Saki. Poor little Saki. She cracks on her lines unable to stop crying. I want to hold her

Risako whines pathetically. Get a grip of yourself. Geez ;D

A sad Momo? Aww… Not really *smirks*

Embrace the wrath of Maasa, Tsunku.

SUMMARY

The concert is worth seeing. Sometimes for the solid performances, sometimes for a bit of drama and sometimes for a bit of a laugh.  It’s the best Berryz concert I’ve seen this far. And this is a big thing to say, I know. Maybe it’s because they have now  a lot of great songs worth hearing and stop redoing the same stuff all over again *coughspecialgenerationcough*. I would change some things. Add more complicated dances. Buy them some acting lessons. Chop off the pinky. Burn some costumes. Overall, not bad Berryz. Not bad at all.

ladybird

Listening to: Buono – ‘Early Bird’

Berryz Koubou Concert Tour 2009 Spring – review part 2

Welcome to the second part of my review ^^ The first part was pretty harsh on some of the members and I can’t promise that this will change But I’ll try… a bit…or maybe not….we’ll see….

Nanchuu Koi wo Yateruu YOU KNOW?

Berryz are certainly made for quicker songs with an awesome edge to it. However, this song does not meet all the expectations. I mean, it’s quite upbeat, a little dramatic but far from Shabondama and overall quite fierce. BUT the dance spoils everything. At least during the concert they skipped the imaginary basketball match. Thanks God! This performance is not consistent. Look…

FIERCE

If you do it one more time you little prick, Massa will stick this up your ass.

WTF?!

Let’s all do the triangle pose!

COOL

You’re not good enough to be looked at, worthless wotas.

WTF?!

It’s a vicious circle ==’

Can you follow my train of thoughts?

Sakura wa Raku Sa – Shimizu, Miyabi

What a strange combination. Saki is so expressive and her moves are dynamic and swift and her body is sexy delicious ravagable flexible While Miyabi looks bored. Yeah, it’s kinda hard to border on mature and perky but I think that Saki does it great while Miya just doesn’t care. Watching these two dance and sing one of the greatest Berryz songs ever is an experience. But all of Miya’s dance shortcomings are painfully visible. Saki has the audience in the palm of her hand. She smirks knowingly, her eyes tell everything she wants them to tell and her body flows like water.

Thank U so much Saki’s sweat glands. You’ve done your job well.  She’s HOT!

My pose says DRAMA and my face says (bland)

Click on the gif and ogle the captain. I adore how she ends the song with a bending of her waist while Miya just moves her arms down. Saki has a lot of energy for somebody so underestimated. She should be the one not caring anymore. Tsunku, are you blind?!

If you’re a Miya lover, you’ll love this performance regardless anything. If not, stick to Saki. It’s soo worth it.

Sabori – Risako

This is a moment I dreaded the most. Gulp. I can smell a disaster.She enters the stage…

The dress looks like a hybrid of tablecloth and my grandma’s napkin. It swallowed the remains of her figure. But, hey, look on the bright side. It could be a spandex uniform with a glaring cameletoe *pukes*

She takes a deep breath. Her throat bulges. Vocal cords strained to the extreme. Yep, here goes the squealing. Where are my ice picks?! GIVE ME MY ICE PICKS!!!

*TURNS OFF THE SOUND*

Pfew, so much better.  *evil smirk* time for goofy caps

niaff, niaff (translates as “I have cheeks like a hamster”)

She absolutely knows what she’s doing. Yeah, baby. Start with a gentle kiss. But just for fuck’s sake lower the PINKY!

Can YOU stretch your face like that? It totally wins over Miya’s awkward smile

The centre part of this song is a seizure pose. I counted. She did it 5 times and each time it lasted for at least 12 seconds. I know I’m crazy.

Hm… she looks kinda….CHARMING?!

It can’t be true. It’s impossible! She is….SWEET?!

OMFG!!! I can see the traces of this little girl I used to adore in Special Generation!

BEWARE! SERIOUSNESS AHEAD!!!

When you skip the whole singing part and the costume part and the sleazy boots and the fat arms part you can see that she is a pretty skilled performer. She doesn’t move awkwardly. Her smiles border on innocent rather than ‘they paid me to do it’. Maybe it wasn’t Hamlet but in the world of idols it was a decent piece of acting. She pouts, smiles and flirts with her eyes. They trained her well. A tiny bit of DO WANT XD

END OF SERIOUSNESS.

so much better

MC 3 Shimizu, Maasa, Momo asks for a SKIP. Okay, maybe one cap

Bwahahahahaha

Joshi Basket bu ~Asaren Atta Hi no Kamigata~ – Chinami, Maasa (Back dancers: Momoko, Kumai)

Is the main theme of this concert ‘weird duos’?! C’mon, Maasa is FIERCE she’s got the look and Chinami goes for nyu chan desu character. Argh…

Haaaaato! ^^

The song is cute but not overly sweet. Chinami fits perfectly. Maasa is not bad either but sometimes she moves like a log and dances like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Okay, I may be cruel but I think she manages better in fiercer songs.

Click to enlarge and notice the look. It’s always there.

It’s just a happy guess but shouldn’t back dancers like..actually…DANCE?!

To call Momo and Yurina back DANCERS during this song would be an uber exaggeration. Where is this ‘dance’? They make some poses, some arm movements, some haaato signs and goof around. NO dancing whatsoever. It’s a pity.This song craves a cute dance with all four of them in it.

Aitai Kedo… – Momoko, Kumai (Back dancers: Chinami, Maasa)

I like the fact that they switch the roles. It’s an interesting idea. Now Chinami and Maasa pretend that they’re back DANCERS  but they fail miserably and end up even more pathetic than Momo and the tower.

Sitting and swinging like a catatonic IS NOT entertainment

Lack of decent dance and beat makes a H!P song a dull song. It’s a fact.  I recommend a SKIP to save yourself some energy since the next song is amazing.

Otoko no Ko

I haven’t heard this song before watching the concert and I need to follow up. It’s pure win! HEY HEY parts are teh best. Girls use this sulky seductive voice I fell in love with in instant. The song itself is far from FIERCE (Maasa would disagree…) but rather on the COOL and SEXY side. The lights are smoky (is it a good expression? XD). The dance includes some.. khem.. interesting movements. Just see…

There’s always time for a little seductive scratch near the triangle XD

Hip thrust. Never enough of that!

Also, notice the outfits. They are mostly back and white. Forget about Risako’s tablecloth and Saki’s beret. All girls look really girly bit stylish. Definitely a good step. They don’t make you tired since all girls wear different costumes.

Maasa will eat your eyes with a spoon

Guitar interludes are mind blowing. Literally.  Just one word. INTENSE

Skit Chinami, Kumai, Risako

WHY?! Why I must suffer like this! It’s worse than a Chinese water torture! They should forbid this ’skit’ in Geneva Convention or something. Okay, maybe it’s not THAT bad but I’m allergic to bad acting.

I have a photo of Tsunku’s balls but I won’t show it. And I won’t explain why my face is visible in the corner.

Ah Merry-go-Round

The skit ends merging into Momo’s monologue. Bad acting continues ==

Fuck, subtle. I aim at straightforward SAD. Not melancholic, not slightly down. Just plain to the bone SAD.

Saki arrives and we all hope for some good dancing. After all, it’s Saki the dancing master. Unfortunately, Tsunku decided that wotas are too retarded to understand Merry-GO-ROUND so he decided to show it in the dance. Constantly. Click.

I hate this move D:

Plus…

Switching places according to lines is NOT a dance move.

Costumes have the potential of an appropriate concert outfit but with this dead birds hanging from girls’ asses and heads the whole idea ends miserably.

There is a bit of drama going in the middle of the song which is a slight DO WANT

Girls pass each other with tensed faces. Of course, Saki pwns

END OF PART 2

ladybird

Listening to : Kusumi Koharu ‘Olala’

Berryz Koubou Concert Tour 2009 Spring – review part 1

I know that probably this concert had already been covered like 3 hundred times but it’s  so much fun to watch a concert, to cap anything I want and to find some goofy pics. I divided this post into parts since I know how hard it is to scroll down the page with too much screen shots Beware naughtiness, unfairness and utter bias. Nothing new in this matter XD

Beginning

The concert starts with each member entering the stage, marked out by a reflector and striking a pose. It gets pretty intense with Dakishimete, Dakishimete  pumping the energy. Fierceness is amazing. Yurina’s pose made me LOL

My shoulder is dislocated and I like it this way

Dakishimete Dakishimete

This is a PERFECT song to begin a concert. But maybe I’m bias cause it’s my favourite Berryz song ever XD Choreography is creative and looks complicated. You are swept off your feet with the cool look all girls manage to pull. Maasa is FIERCE! She really got into all the thrusts, arm movements and everything.

Maasa kills the audience with the look

the look

Well, most of them were stunning and cool but…

Momo just couldn’t stop grinning ==’ God, it’s not the time for the Momo princess shit ==

Miyabi, run! There’s a helium junkie behind U! XD

Momo’s Ai~n pose XD

Members’ intro

It was pretty boring. As usual. With ONE exception Miyabi performed something that she called MiyaBeam or Miyaaaabiiim and looked like something that Sailor Moon would do at the end of a transformation XD Take a look. Just click it to open.

Cute bordering on weird

Ai no Suki Suki Shisuu Joushou Chuu

This song is from my favourite Berryz album. But geez, what’s with the title?! Cute but far too long for me to remember. Anyway, the song is catchy and has a warm feeling to it. It’s clearly a song intended to be a relaxing time for girls to catch their breath before fiercer songs. Consequently, the dance is overly simple and static. They just jump a lot and make simple arm movements for wota to follow. A lot of YEYs and WOOs make wota happy. During a concert it must be fun to follow the movements and make all the shoutings but while watching it I just wanted to skip it. It got more annoying with time.

It’s clearly Momo’s definition of heaven. She was ecstatic to the point of wetting her pants.

Famous ’seizure’ pose. Manual: 1. hold your chest tightly without a sexual innuendo indicating a chest pain 2. pull a I’m- so- fucking-moved-and- sensitive  face

Is this pic a prophecy?! Momo…left out?!

A certain part of the dance caught my attention … Click for the gif to open. I don’t have a bloody idea how to do it differently D:

Yurina went for  a little step. Chinami managed to stumble a little but at least in the right direction. And Momo… well, this IS her definition of heaven so she couldn’t stop herself from the full sleazy thrust and even jumped a little. Orgasmic for Momo lovers. For me.. pure LOL XD This movement was SO out of place here.

Sayonara Hageshiki Koi

Amazing upbeat song with fierce feeling to it. Yum, yummy indeed. Of course, Maasa owns fierce. Still, not enough fierceness in choreography. Again, a lot of arm movements and walking on stage aimlessly. There were some moments in which girls run on stage to prepare for  a new formation and it was impressive. But the dance during the chorus was disappointing.

They bring the cool back PLUS Risako does the ’seizure’ pose

Maasa will beat you up mercilessly

Risako aims at sexy and lands on whiny plus pre-seizure.

The songs turns into VTR and I do a major SKIP SKIP SKIP SKIP SKIP SKIP SKIP. VTR is ugly. Not even worth a c(r)ap.

HAPPY!Stand Up

This song is pure love. I can even  endure Risako’s voice in it. She goes for deeper voice. More like talking than singing. This I can bear. As for the performance…. How could they kill it like that?!

Oilcloth instead of costumes  plus water pistols and UFO on the screen IS NOT GOOD! Tsunku should get it tattooed on his hairy ass.

How can you pull a serious face while holding a plastic toy?!

The dance incorporates mostly brandishing a toy weapon, pulling it to yourself and again extending towards the audience or just walking on stage. Brilliant. Honestly. Just brilliant. And who’s most happy about it?

Sigh. No surprises here.

Gag 100kaibun Aishite Kudasai (Acapella)

Yeah, baby. Give it to me. I love it when a band does something creative during the concert. E.g C-ute’s stepping interlude. Or Linlin’s performace of Aozora wtf with the title who cares. Gimme, gimme.

Stage light is amazing. The seriousness makes me shudder in anticipation.

Girls are pretty serious and focused.

Captain sets the key with her harmonica. She’s a pro.

The melody is almost perfect. The rhythm intricate and delicious.

BUT THEN

.

.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Momo squeals the song like Chip’n Dale after a bucket of helium!

Yurina is all ‘WTF Momo?!’

Chinami looks pissed as hell

Maasa’s eyes promise slow and painful death

Momo just doesn’t get it.

It was an amazing attempt at acapella with girls setting the rhythm but WHY Momo?! Miyabi got a line or two and she was SO much better. It was honey to my ears while Momo made me wanna stick ice picks through my Tympanic Membranes without anaesthetic . Grrr….

MC 2 is so SKIP

MADAYADE

Awful PV, awful costumes in the PV, awful dance and awful lyrics. What more can I say?

‘Triangle’ pose. Is the spirit of Hana wo pun somewhere near?

‘Tsunku’s stick was THIS long and it made my knees buckle’ pose.

the look – the setting does not matter. Always fierce.

The girls must be sweating immensely with those outfits! Who designed it?! A sweat glands-free freak of nature?! Can it get worse?!

END OF PART 1

ladybird

Listening to : Kago Ai ‘Children of the Night’ (I highly recommend it!!!)

Aibon, what have you done?!

We all have our favourite members. WE cared for them, followed the news and TV shows and wanted to kick Tsunku for not giving them enough lines and screamed like madman when some dumbass criticised them (okay, I’m obviously not like that). I had my Aibon, my W (Double U), my sweet Robokiss and awesome Matsuwa.

double Ai chan desu~~

daburyuden ^^

chu~~

Kago and Tsuji were given a really sweet, creative and fun photobook I adore to no end.

spasm

my desktop wallpaper XD

obligatory Heil

nosebleed

And then she got suspended. Twice.

Let me out!!!! ><

And presumably went crazy. (I’m NOT talking about her suicide attempt. These matters are extremely delicate.)

Have U seen her photobooks?! Ok, the first one was wet …

faint

sleazy…

eww?

and weird.

this photo is a plunger away from perfection =='

It was in a way beautiful. Not in a way we are all used to but still. I can see the vision behind those pictures. I can see how Kago does her best to destroy her pink sugary cutie image of a little puppet manipulated by the H!P machine.

But what about the latest one?  Is this PB an epic win? Is Kago portrayed as a mature, magnificent young woman she truly is? *the sound of a record screeching to stop the sound of Risako trying to reach a higher note*

WTF?! I mean … WTF?!!!!!

major WTF?! Ongaku style

There is a scarce amount of artistic vision in this PB. Fri ruined her career (in her opinion) and she wants a revenge or something. Seriously, this PB is SICK!

you can't be normal after Aa ii na

WUT THE HELL?!!! Is she here some kind of a personification of Friday or is she mocking Friday readers? I couldn’t care less. She is a fucking mummy!!!! Surely, there are some less crazy ways of saying what you think about a tabloid, which do not requiring dressing as a mummy with a bare asscrack!!!!!

just spare an explanation

Let’s make a little poll. What’s worse:  Kago the Mummy’s asscrack or Kago the Mummy’s Monster Nipples?

*gulp*

And than she skips into prettiness and we all sigh in relief.

moar drama

Ok, it’s not pretty like really pretty but at least expressive and dynamic.

sweet and sexy

Oh, Kago how much I want your happiness and fame. The set in the bedroom resembles the set in her 1st sleazy PB but with a better light and less dirtiness. Me want.

And then…

MOAR drama

Is it the set of Mad Kago 4? U G L Y

this is how we do it in Kagoland

This is how tabloids are dealt with in Kagoland. The photos itself are interesting. A lot is happening and I like it but the idea is really silly. C’mon, you can’t blame them for everything. I’m your fan and you’ve got my support but just think about it. We’re the same age and it’s about time to be responsible for your own actions. It’s not kindergarten anymore, sweetheart.

cute

That’s my favourite pic of the whole PB. God, I thought there will be none after going this far. I love her rose cheeks and she looks awesome in red. Even her bun looks great.

maturity at last...

This pic has the aura of elusive beauty. Amazing how quickly she can change. She re-establishes her persona again and again. Sigh. Why can’t you stay with this one?

oh for God's sake......#%*&

You just can’t …

?!

be…

serious! Right? RIGHT?!

ladybird

Listening to:  Guardians 4 ‘Omakase Guardian’ (I want it subbed! Pretty please?)

one good thing about Kanna

Of course, I overgeneralise a bit Don’t throw anything at me XD Anything but cash and naked Airi

I was re-watching C-ute and Berryz’s joined concert and I noticed something really interesting. During the beginning of Jiriri Kiteru, when girls were dressed in aluminium foil, and I tried my best to ignore Risako, I noticed Kanna’s expression in the background and it was hilarious

angry Kanna

Boys and girls, Arihara Kanna is NOT impressed XD I think she muttered ‘fatcow’ instead of her minimal, almost non-existent line Aww…I’m warming up to her already. What a pity she’s gone. XD Look more closely.

Risako goes for smexy

Risako screeches her line

Risako's smug smile. Kanna is NOT impressed

Risako thinks she's AWsome

Risako erupts in self-love. Kanna is still NOT impressed

What  a moment. sniff.

ladybird

Listening to: C-ute ‘One’s LIFE’

shocking news! Chinami molested!

Chinami Tokunaga has been molested. Whole wota fandom is now shocked and in rage. Mass hysteria takes over Tokyo.

The news hit everyone right in the face. Fellow Berryz members were shown the recording from a hidden camera and are now under the protection of a psychologist.

NOOOO!!!!!! I just can't look!

The news spread quickly in the world of H!P. Morning Musume were informed during a break in a concert.

OMFG

It has to be said.

CHINAMI TOKUNAGA HAS BEEN MOLESTED BY A DOG

even American TV covered it!

What’s worst about it? She liked it.

ladybird

Listening to: Shugo Chara Egg ‘Minna no Tamago’