Morning Musume’14 – It’s super effective!

What’s your favourite Berryz Koubou single? What’s your favourite H!P member and why is it Suzuki Airi? I took it upon myself to answer the most fundamental of them all – What’s your favourite group among H!P?

Okay, so Morning Musume was giving us some really shitty singles the last couple of years.

A gratuitous picture of Fukumura’s enormous talent to recompansate for it.

We can move on.

Let’s see. For me it started with Pepper Keibu. (I forgave them Mikan just because of Resonant Blue immediately aferwards). I love the song but it was merely a cover. Because of the fake date with the hopeless dream chaser I though I might just cry. The sound of the group was just… I don’t know.  Bland? Boring? Off key? Whiney? You name it.With all due respect to JunJun and LinLin but they’re voices were just annoying. This plus the arrangements Tsunku gave them, corresponded to the fact that I actually picked Buono as my favourite group at that time. But those songs weren’t the worst. Just one of them all was the proverbial nail to the coffin of my Morning Musume luvv – Seishun Collection. WHAT.THE.HELL. I’d trade all PyokoPyoko nonsense for erasing Seishun Collection from my memory. If it was recorded in 2009 I’d totally include it in https://nyuchandesu.wordpress.com/2010/01/02/2009-rankings-top-5-songs-to-fight-insomnia-with/

BUT Morning Musume  is the history! There’s no H!P without MM! They deserve the respect and if anybody outside wotaku family wanted me to tell them anything about Hello Project, I’d introduce them to Sayumi’s boobs and  Kanashimi Twilight.

Maybe then some C-ute in slow-motion. (gif from http://airiindeshou.blogspot.com/)

Yep. That would work.

So I stuck to being a Morning Musume lover regardless the fact that it was soo long since any of their songs were on my playlist. It felt like the right thing to do. You don’t just abandon the band you used to know love.

But Tsunku sama finally, after a steaming pile of shitty singles, created the right music for Momusu…

TECHNO?!

This might actually work…

Okay, maybe that wasn’t the main factor behind their victorious return. I mean, Tsunku can’t take all the credit. It was probably the new generation, right? The miracle happened (sorry, Koharu) and the fresh blood in the group did the trick. Geez, those girls must be prodigies.

Okay, maybe not THIS one. She looks mighty stupid.

Woah. This one looks like Sayumi’s ugly retarded sister.

I’d really expect more facial expressions from an ex-Egg. She has the experience, right?

Yep this one did it.

Just joking (OR AM I…). Because the real answer is somewhere else.

YES! That’s something brining the new flavour to Momusu. I was really surprised to see new generations added to group and performing those super complicated dances without the usual newbie awkwardness (or just the bare minimum of it since Haruna really can’t help herself). They did it fiercely, confidently and Tsunku even gave them some decent songs like Wagamama ki no mama Sayu’s lips close-ups /Ai no Goddamn or recently Kimi no KawarNIPPON NIPPON NIPPON NIPPON NIPPON. You have to watch the following erformance to truly appreciate their recovered glory.

Now I can proudly say again. No regrets. I’m a Morning Musume fan.

ladybird

Fun with word clouds!

Do you always have this feeling that after listening to all H!P songs you’re fluent in Japanese and that there are no words that can surprise you anymore? Bad news is that Japanese isn’t that easy. Good news is that H!P songs ARE that easy. Well, at least most of them. Even without a translator you can more or less grasp the meaning of the song. Lets look closely at the word clouds made from English translations of the lyrics of three major H!P groups.

The battle of hairstyles – fresh Momusu edition

8th place and 7th place

A tie between Gaki-san and Eririn – why anybody would pair two worst hairstyle makeover for the same photo? Rivers of tears were shed upon Gaki’s new hairstyle. They really screwed it big time. She looks older and less attractive. With Erin it’s somewhat a different story. She looks amazing in her PB Hatachi but fails to looks good in most of her photos. She’s just not my type. But the hair.. oh the horrible hair makes it even worse. It’s really one of the haircuts that looks awful on every body.

6th place

Linlin– the sporty hairstyle isn’t suitable for an idol. It’s more like a volleyball player hairstyle. Not too flattering but absolutely comfortable. There are many ways to make a ponytail look nice. E.g.

BLAND. UGLY. YUUUUK. As opposed to…

Much better, MUCH better :*

5th place

Takitty – don’t get me wrong, the hairstyle isn’t really bad. It’s very nice but there are better ones in the photo. I like the fact that the bun is a bit flat. Let’s look at the examples of nice buns and bad buns 😀

A really bad bun. First of all I don’t think that ANY bun would suit her face. I love Aibon with all my heart but I hate her looking like this.

The infamous grandma look Aya presented in the PV for her single Kizuna should be a warning for all japanese idols. Look out for the bun! Done badly can be lethat D:

A GOOD BUN. Airi would probably manage all hairstyles but the bun suits her exceptionally well.

The best bun so far. Why? Because it isn’t perfectly styled. It seems casual and for me that’s the point of a good bun. Somewhat loose and done carelessly.

4th place

JunJun– the hairstyle itself is great. That’s why she ranked this high. But the thing is that I prefer the cool and slick JunJun rathe than the annoyingly cute JunJun. That’s reserved for Sayumi. I think that Sayu and JunJun should swap the hairstyles.

3rd place

Sayumi – As already mentioned before Sayu would look better in sweet curly pigtails. Tha plait is too thick. She could have left her hair straight. But overall it’s good old Sayu.

2nd place

Reina– I tried my best to overlook her face. She looks so fake when trying to pull off innocent. But her hair is just plain great. She looks good with her hair down NOT half down. The ponytails she wore were irritaing. This version seems like a great alternative between her old favourite hairstyle and a new one.

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD:

1st place

Mittsi- sorry haters but you must admit that Aika looks so much better here than on her older photos. Her forehead isn’t gawking at anybody anymore. The hairstyle is cute, classy and works almost everytime. From the very begining of her career, Mittsi was regarded as the teddybear and only for Resonant Blue showed off her badass side – good for her! You can straigher this hairstyle a bit and we have the Resonant Blue look and than curl it for the teddybear session. Both thumbs up! XD Why the hell did she had to destroy it for Seishun Collection D:

An obligatory picspam for the winner!

Ladybird

Listening to: Berryz Koubou  “Joushi Basketball Club ~Asaren Atta Hi no Kamigata~”

Paul Thomas wants YOU to rank

In the field of rankings, Paul’s poll is one of those that simply can’t be skipped. It’s easy, and what’s most important, fun to do.  It felt like puzzles ^0^. Well, done Paul.  Here are my results. Those are a bit random cause I don’t have some particular feelings towards some of the members. But I tried my best to rank them all 😀

MEMBERS RANKING

2009 rankings – Top 5 songs to fight insomnia with

Sleepy? But you just can’t get any sleep? Are your eyes red and swollen? Are you exhausted? Aww, poor little wotaku. Fear not! Year 2009 brought to you a bunch of H!P songs that can end your misery! You don’t know which one to choose? Tsk, tsk. Ladybird to the rescue 🙂

5. Berryz Koubou ‘Sonosubete no ai ni’

Let sleeping dogs lie.

Even Maasa fell asleep while listening to this shit of a song! And that means something. Normally she would eat a pack of Diazepam and drink a bottle of vodka to get herself some sleep! Being a murderous sociopath on the leash you need some good meds to keep you going.  Isn’t this song supposed to be touching? C’mon, Tsunku! The rhythm of this song is the rhythm of the old lady from the previous post trying to crawl from the room while I sit on her back. Ssssllllloooooooooooooowwwwww. And all the whining vocals doesn’t help, Risako. Skinning a cat would give better sounds. I think that skinned cats are less tone deaf than Rii. Because of it this song ranked only number 5.  Around 1:14 sec it gets pretty messy (Sugaya’s voice’s fault)  hehehe….

…. OMFG $^#&* she’s awake!!! RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!

4. C-ute ( Kanna and Nakitty) ‘Aishiteru Aishiteru’

*snores*

This song is so fucking bland! Listening to it gives an impression of swaying in a cradle. Constant AAISHITERUUUUU AAISHITERUUUUUUUU gives me seasickness.   Neither Kanna nor Naki puts emotions of any kind in their vocals. They sing it half-heartedly and I bet that Tsunku had to record this song with breaks for naps for all the staff.

3. Morning Musume (LinLin) ‘for you’

Problems with insomnia? Call me.

She reminds me of stale bread – opposite of freshness, looks older than it should, sneaks its way among fresh loaves and pretends to be eatable. Her version of Aozora yadayada was great but this song is the very definition of a sleeping pill. It’s forgettable. I can’t even recall a melody! Does it have a melody? Does it?

2.  Mano Erina ‘Otome no Inori’

No surprises here XD Mano is the Patron of all Sedatives, the head chairwoman of the Bore Us Until We Sleep Like Logs company. Tsunku tries his best but although given a bucket of coffee, amphetamine and cocaine she maintained her sleep inducing vocals. Nothing works on this girl. With the same smile plastered to her bored face she can pull some hand dancing at most. BUT to give the girl some credit, she was worse in 2008. Yep, nothing, absolutely nothing can beat ManoPiano and LalalaSoSoSoShitShitShit. Total winners of this countdown. However, in 2009 she managed some almost up-beat songs. I’m trying really hard to find some positives.

Btw, I DO like this song 🙂

1. Morning Musume (Takitty) ‘Cosmos”‘I feel ….

kinda…

sleepy singing this song.

We reached number one! The most anty-insomnia song of 2009! Takitty has a knack for boring solos. Lack of any traces of personality works to her advantage.  I mean, is cosmos such a dull place? Aren’t Star Wars based on a true story?! *Yawns* Gee, Ai-chan thank you so much for curing me! I sleep like a baby! You should have a solo career, girl. Maybe even form a duo with Mano! They would play your songs in psych wards and you’d sell zillions of CDs among sleep-deprived! That’s a niche Tsunku haven’t thought about yet. I’m a genius!

BONUS

Morning Musume (Wonkyeyed) ‘Heya watashi something about t-shirts yadayada’ – could have made it but for the diuretic aspect. The dropping water sound in the background works against my bladder when I’m trying to sleep

ZYX ‘Mirai Yosou II’ – it was boring far too much to even bother to include it

Sayu, Koha, JunJun, Aika ‘Sekai wa Futari no Tame’ – the screechy vocals of the worst vocals in Momusu can only put you to eternal sleep

Berryz Koubou plus Mano Eri ‘Kenpaku Sengen – until  4:50 I almost fell asleep. After 4:50 my mirrors broke and I begged my mother to off me (for those not brave enough to check it – 4:50 Sugaya attempted at reaching higher notes)

Ladybird

Listening to : Mano Erina ‘Otome no Inori’ because I honestly LIKE IT 🙂